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1. Full Name: "Cactus" Matt
2. Instrument(s): microphone, cock
3. Sign: Slow Children at Play
4. Height: 6'3", but due to my special light
diffraction, I appear 5'5"
5. Weight: a super sexy seven pounds
6. Shoe Size: whatever fits
7. Nickname: "That guy that fucked my mom/sister/daughter/household
pet"
8. Where were you conceived?: in my momma's cooter
9. Where were you born?: just outside my momma's
cooter
10. Your current base of operations: that would
be my nutsack
11. Do you have any pets?: Why, you need some ass?
12. Fave:
- book: George HW Bush's dog's biography.
- movie: Anything starring Abe Vigoda.
- food/snack: yer girlfriend
- swear word: What a crude question. Irefuse to...
JESUS SHITBALLS!!!!!!!
- letter of the alphabet: Whatever the name of the
broad i'm banging starts with.
- T.V. show: Simpsons or 700 Club
- school subject: Sleeping through class and watching
Rickie Lake.
- beer/alcoholic drink: Yes Please.
- CD: The Roth preferred premium
- band: ABBA or STYX
- smell/scent: cooter
- color: I think they prefer African American.
- sport: baseball, unless figure skating is on
- toy as a kid & now: The answer to both would
be my dong.
- old skool toon & new toon: What the fuck is
a TOON?
- place to relax/chill: On top of yer sister.
13. What is your dream car?: A 1989 Chevy Celebrity
station wagon with fake wood quarter paneling.
14. What's in your CD player, turntable, tape deck and/or eight track
player right now?: A wad of cum, a fruit roll up,
cat food and ABBA respectively.
15. What do you collect/stash/horde?: venerial diseases
16. Any hobbies?: Waiting for someone to explain
Oprah's popularity to me.
17. Salty or sweet? Wet or dry? Hot or cold?: Hot,
salty and wet.
18. Dream vacation: A weeks stay at home in my underpants.
19. Tats/piercings? If yes, what/where?: The tattoo
parlor or some back alley.
20. Most embarrassing moment?: Being voted Tiger
Beat's sexiest man alive (I thought Mickey Rooney deserved it more than
me).
21. If you were a superhero/comic book character/cartoon, who/what would
you be?: Superman's penis
22. Your idea of a perfect Sunday (or any other day)?: One
with strawberry topping.
23. Why are you the boy your fan's moms warned them about? Cuz
I fuck their kids.
24. Why are you the boy your fan's moms want for themselves? Cuz
I fuck them too.
25. Nobody better lay a finger on your…: prostate
26. You'll never get why girls…: What's a 'why
girl' and why don't you think I can get them?
27. Who would you clone? Why?: Betty Loren-Maltese
because two would be even more amusing than one.
28. What would you save if your house were on fire?: Myself
goddamnit!
29. What would you be sure to leave behind?: My
pants. Don't you hate pants?
30. If you weren't a rockstar you'd be… a rockstar
31. 3 things always in your fridge: arms, legs and
semilac
32. Any guilty pleasures?: Sucking my own cock.
33. Describe the other members in the band in one word.
a. Chris
b. Wally
c. Jim ... Damn, that one was easy.
34. Where did the name "Smear Campaign" come from?: Our
band.
35. What inspires you?: Knowing that somewhere some
kid is doing something illegal because of me.
36. Betty Loren-Maltese vs. Godzilla…who would win?: Both
of them. They would go out while Betty's mob friends took on Godzilla's
Japanese Mafia cronies.
37. Any final words?: Sure -
a. A pedophile and a 10 year old are walking
through the wood when the 10 year old says, "Mister, I'm scared."
"You're scared?," the pedophile replies. I'm the one who has
to walk out of here alone!"
b. LONG LIVE BETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
c. If you're looking for a good time, our drummer
is young and ripe.
And finally...
d. "I have shoes...I have two shoes, one for
each foot...Why do I have three mittens?"
- Jim Maijer age 70
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